My dad texted me last night. He said he was sorry, yet again and he said the he wants to fix what we have. I want that so badly. I want to be able to be one of those girls who’s proud to have a great relationship with her dad and who can go to him for comfort. He was just a source of so much hurt and pain for so long. I never realized it, but the way my dad talked to me when I was a pre-teen/teen resulted in my anxiety, low self worth, and ultimately depression. Now it’s not entirely his fault, because I could have worked on our relationship as well; but I was the hormonal teenager and he was the grown adult. He should have been the one to diffuse arguments, not escalate them by coming back at me with insults twice as bad. He made me feel like I’d never be good enough. Like I was too mean, weird, and awful of a person for anyone to want to be my friend. That’s not what dads are supposed to do. They’re supposed to lift you up and make you feel like you can conquer the world.
My daddy did that. Until I grew up and he didn’t.