I like change

Do you ever wish the world would just swallow you up? 

You’re so lost and confused but you really just don’t have the drive to do anything?

I’ll let you in on a little secret. 

Sometimes I just want out. 

I don’t want to kill myself, no, I’m too much of a coward for that. But if a bus was coming straight for me, I’m really not sure how hard I’d work to stay out of its way. I just don’t know what makes me happy anymore and I’m really not sure how to figure it out. I don’t even want to. I know there is a lot left for me in life and it has things to offer, but what if I get to those things and I’m still not happy? What if I hate college and wish I didn’t have to be here in order to make a decent living? 

It’s really only a matter of time before I can’t rationalize my way out of hurting myself. 

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2 thoughts on “I like change

  1. It seems easy doesn’t it? Suicide. To me, even the word sounds smooth and tender, but it’s a lie. All of the goodness that comes with it turns sours in a matter of seconds, and then it’s too late.

    I always want out, I don’t know if I feel this way much stronger as I live in London, would I feel that way if I lived in a quiet town? Yes. Because we’re the same people.

    One day soon to come, something will happen to make you realise you’re on the route to your future, and you won’t want to leave it, because it suits you so well, and you love it so much. The things life have to offer are amazing. There are so many in so little time that it’s no wonder you’re worried about the outcome, whether you’ll like it, whether you’ll get any satisfaction over it. And the truth is, when these experiences happen, like collage, you’ll be so happy that you won’t remember this comment, or this post, or this sadness.

    Savour your full, beautiful life, and good luck. x

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